The "P" word

Change is afoot. I can feel it, although I cannot quite put my finger on it. I can smell it at times, especially after a long run or a strenuous tae kwon do class. I can see it when I pay my grocery bill, and when I open my refrigerator door to find shelves full of empty containers.

Puberty is coming.

I do not know when it will strike with full force. While I am learning as quickly as I can, I am not quite sure how it will arrive, but it is on its way, and I am nervous.

I have spent the last eleven-plus years trying to understand my son and his brain. It has been hard work, but I have kept struggling to learn more, and I think my efforts have paid off. Now, just as I begin to feel that I am on top of my game, the rules are changing.

Tourette Syndrome is a funny thing. Nobody really seems to know just how common or uncommon it is. It waxes and wanes, just like the moon. When life is relatively calm, you wonder if your child has turned a corner in his treatment. Did the latest medication or intervention really work, or did it merely coincide with a waning of symptoms? Will this waning phase last a year, a few months, another week, or just ten more seconds?

Many parents of children with Tourette Syndrome wonder what will happen when a big bolus of testosterone -- most individuals with TS are male -- is injected into the mixture of tics, ADHD, obsessions, compulsions and occasional rages. We all know that puberty is a difficult time for everyone, but we cannot help but suspect that our children will face more challenges than most.

We wonder, will our child’s tics disappear as he reaches adulthood? Will he be able to lead a relatively normal life? The answers are uncertain, at best. Experts tell us that some children’s symptoms improve after puberty, some remain unchanged, and some become worse. There is no way of knowing beforehand which outcome your child will experience. One can only watch and wait with some combination of hope and anxiety.

So I watch, and I wait; and I buy more healthy snacks; and I retool the budget to accommodate the skyrocketing grocery bills; and I try to offer gentle reminders about the virtues of good hygiene; and I offer coaching on those few social skills that I possess multiple times each day; and I try to keep a mental checklist of good changes and not-so-good changes that I observe; and I hope, and I hope, and I hope that the “good” list turns out to be longer.